Spring Fever!

What is it about Spring that makes you want to clean out your life?

Every year I get the same urge to de-materialize my life. I look around my room and think, "man do I have a lot of stuff." Which is funny, because in reality, I don't have that much stuff. I can fit the most of my belongings (minus my winter gear and my motorcycle) in this tiny 12x12 room. My dog and his kennel even fit in my room! Also, this urge I get every spring tied to the fact that I've moved like 10 times in the last 6 years hasn't left me with a whole lot of really useless things anyway, even If I feel like it has.

Either way, it's time to simplify.

Goals for Spring Cleaning:

• Take most of my UDM textbooks back to the bookstore. There will only be like 5 that I will want to keep.
• Take the other books that you don't like/never will read again because they were lame and donate them to the Library.
• Recycle all school notebooks and papers immediately after passing my comprehesive final.
• Go through old clothes and see which ones I can turn into new summer clothes. Old jeans into new capri shorts, old T-shirts into new fun tank tops.
• Turn old clothes into new summer clothes.
  
• Turn the pile of old hoodies from high school and Hope into a cool blanket. I should have done this during the winter because I could have always used another blanket, but I didn't.
• Take remaining ugly old clothes, shoes and useless trinkets to the Salvation Army.
• Put winter stuff in storage (snowboard, hockey gear, really warm sweaters) and bring up summer gear (...bathing suit?)
• Give/mail things back to their original owners.
  

An a different note, I'm pretty sure my dog let himself out this morning. Now I know mornings aren't usually when my memory is working at it's peak. But after I fed Tonka, I walked out the back door to see what the weather was like and then I came in to my room to check my e-mail. When I got back up to let him outside, I was surprised to find him already out there.

Amazing.

Have to catch up on my DVR

It's been awhile since my last post. After my epiphany 10 days ago, life seems a lot easier.

In the last 10 days I've:

• Made some new friends.
• Constantly made reference to the "everything's amazing but nobody's happy" skit I stole from Ramsey's facebook. "You're in a seat... in the sky!"
  
• Celebrated Melissa's birthday.
• Practically forced my friends to leave a karaoke bar because my eyes balls were getting burned out of their sockets from too much smoke.
• Caught up with some old friends.
• Thought about stealing a boat with Ryan.
  
• Solidified the belief that the field I've chosen to go in to is something I would really enjoy, even if it may take a few years or so to get to the place I want to be.
• Fell in love with up north Michigan all over again.
• Hung out with my aunt Merry and uncle Gary.
• Had my final snowboard of the season in 40 degree weather wearing leggings and my winter coat's liner.
• Rocked out hard core in a vehicle three times with three different groups of people.
• Felt totally embarrassed that I wanted to run away and hide.
  
• Went to the casino.
• Laughed so hard I wanted to cry, multiple times.
• Played with Katie's recording equipment.
• Had hours of good conversation with Kim at our (sometimes pointless) internship.
• Finished Kafka's The Trial, which turned out much better than I thought it was going to.
  
• Had an interview at a flower shop.
• Got my motorcycle insured and received a quote for new tires.
  
• Went out for St. Patrick's day on a Tuesday when I originally had decided to stay home.
• Drank green beer for the first time.
• Was in one of my best moods of the year with the help of 70 degree weather, flip-flops, beer on the patio of Shores Inn, great people, and the best steak dinner ever.

Lately I've been adding classic literature to my reading list. Hence the Kafka reference above. Through most of the books I've read of his, I would always think, "I bet Kafka is laughing at everyone who reads his work and thinks he's so profound, because I'm pretty sure he thought it was just one big ironic joke; he's saying, 'Ha I fooled those suckers!'" And maybe he's laughing at me now, because I ended up really enjoying it in the end.


On another note, I feel like I've been really coming in to single-hood. I think it takes awhile to adjust to it sometimes. Before my last break up, I hadn't been single for more than a month in about 2 1/2 years, and I think I'm just starting to truly accept that it has potential for a whole lot of fun!

I feel like I'm right at the beginning of a huge transition. I have been a student my whole life and now I'm about to step into the real world, without the help of student loans and my parents (for the most part). Add that to the economy taking a turn for the worst and I'm realizing that it's going to be a struggle at times to make ends meet, I know it.

I tie this directly to my happy decision to be single. I have no idea what is coming around the bend for me, and to be tied up in a relationship seems like it would be even harder. Now don't get me wrong, I have no opposition to hanging out with people and possibly dating, but a full on relationship sounds like the worst idea in the world.

Even though, in the back of my head, I know if something really great came around, I wouldn't hold myself back from it. I would probably fall in head first like I always do. But as that's currently not the case, I am very happy with the way things are now.



And to finish 'er off...

Lately I have been grateful for:

• People who are able to honestly laugh at their faults... or their less than perfect actions. I'm starting to really understand the importance of that in my own life.
  
• People who help others just because they like to.
• My mom, who always seems to persevere through anything life throws at her. I really look up to her.
  
• My aunt and uncle, who opened up their home for my friends and I, told us great stories, and above all, always makes me feel loved.
  

Rainy Day

I'd always admired those who "make lemonade." You know, those people who just deal with what life throws them. But look at me! I get all sad and depressed and immobile when I start to worry that I won't be able to support myself in the future.

No more! Things will work themselves out even if there are even more hard times until they do. It's not like I'm not working hard. It's not like I'm being lazy. Things are going to be O.K.

It's funny that I get this revelation on the ugliest day of the week.

Tonka Dog

Sometimes I think my dog is socially inept.

Tonka's great. He's a sweetheart. But when I take him to the dog park I just watch him and think, "I never properly socialized this dog!"

Today was a little better. I took him on a long walk before I took him to the park so when he ran up to stranger's pants and "lifted his leg" there was nothing left to pee out. I took my book with me today and just sat on a park bench to the side. I wasn't really looking at this moment, but I heard a bunch of people laugh and say, "he just lifted his leg on me!" Needless to say, I just kept staring down at my book.

Just watching him at the park is hilarious/embarressing. He pees on everything, runs quickly through crowds, and ignores anyone who actually wants to give him attention. A lot of the time he whines while he runs, which makes me feel like I'm an abusive or neglectant parent.

A lot of the owners bring toys for their dogs to play with. When the tennis ball comes out, there's always a group of dogs ready to chase after it, you know, like normal dogs do. But not Tonka. When the ball gets tossed he just chases the dog who's running after it. He has no interest in the toy at all.

But he's a good dog. It's not like he attacks other dogs or jumps on anyone when he's all muddy. He listens when I call him and is great to look at because he's so cute.

There's one of those fancy plastic playgrounds for kids at the park as well. When I caught Tonka climbing up the stairs, run over the wobbly bridge, and make it up to the top of the slides, my heart just melt.

He's my buddy.

Red Wiiiiings

I wasn't aware that you can make a news feed for a specific group of friends on facebook. After I made a list of the people that I usually stalk, I realized that there are only 37 people on facebook that I really care to know what's going on with their daily lives. You should feel special if you made my list and update your facebook often.


When we were in high school, Ramsey and I gave Danno the nickname bottle, because he was a bottler. He used to bottle up his feelings and not let them out to anyone. Someone told me I was a bottler today, and I wouldn't have believed him if it weren't for the fact that I broke down and cried a few times from everything that has been building up. Crying felt good. Life sucks sometimes. I think I might cry more.


I don't know what's going to come of my life. I don't know what I'm going to be doing in a couple months to support myself. I don't know how to make all these negative feelings about my Master's degree stop from haunting my every thought. I. just. don't. know.


Today I'm grateful for my little trifecta I've created around myself since my breakup with Dan. I'm grateful for:

• Melissa who, for which I'm very lucky, has always been there for me when I'm going through a rough time. She listens to me rant and she understands when I'm being crazy. More importantly, she's always been a great friend to hang out with just when I need to be around someone who cares.
  
• Andrea who always tells me how it is but always reminds me to stay positive and focused. She also listens to me rant and always offers the best advice. She's someone I'm always comfortable talking about anything with and she's always a great friend to be around.
• Brian who calls me out, all the time. He knows me better than most and has this amazing ability to call me out when I'm being weird, awkward, sad, mad, excited, and so on. However, I'm always grateful for people who call me out. And add that to his incredibly fun nature and down for anything mentality, he's been a really great friend during this really hard time.
  

Sorry Brian, you're probably taking this picture.

Thanks guys. I hope you know how much your friendship means to me.

The day after Game Night

Life doesn't change that quickly. For me to repeat over and over again that I'm grateful for my friends and my dog seems pretty boring... even if it's true. I still don't have any idea what I'm going to do with myself in 2 months... I don't even know where I'll be living come May! I have all this uncertainty that's been getting me down, but with the help of my friends, life doesn't seem so bad after all.

Detroit's been extra fun lately. Or extra comfortable? I look forward to staying here over the weekends when I used to look forward to getting away.

Fun events of recent past:

• GAME NIGHT! The first few hours of the night were spent on a 12 person Apples to Apples game. Then it moved into Twister with two mats and eight people. And then finished off with some dancing and Wii.
• Joanna came in to town for one of her clients and I got to meet up with her for a bit.
• Twilight played at the Brew & View a couple weeks ago and the place was more packed than I've ever experienced. We ended up sitting at a table with two couples who proceeded to make out for the entire movie. Who would want to make out when Edward Cullen is on the screen?
• After that movie we walked down to the WAB and met up with some friends for after drinks.
• I went to the west-side of Michigan for a weekend for a photoshoot, a tiny bit of recording, a 60th birthday party, and a wedding in Holland. I spent, what felt like a long time, walking around Kalamazoo and Holland in a blizzard.
• I've been doing an excessive amount of reading... or should I say obsessive?

I've started deleting friends off Facebook. Maybe friends is the wrong word. I've starting deleting people off my friends list on facebook who I, A) had to look at their page to even remember who they were, or B) haven't talked to in years and don't ever expect to see again. I only ended up deleting around 50 people, but for some reason it made my facebook page seem more personal for me.

Back Forty

I got really upset on Thursday night, even if was only for about 20 minutes. It was weird. I went to my first Red Wings game and two of my favorite people were in town that night, so I was ecstatic for most of the night. We had a great time at the game and proceeded to have an even better time at the bar downtown afterward. However, besides the people who went to the game with me, every single person who told me they wanted to meet me downtown later bailed. Which, I guess, is normal; I'm always setting up outings and at least half of the people who say they want to come end up not being able to.

But this was different, because I really wanted my home friends to meet my Detroit friends. I'm sure my friends in Detroit know how important my home friends are to me, well at least they should! So anyway, I got upset and proceeded to guilt trip them. Lame, I know. I felt bad for this the next day and I talked to most of my friends and apologized.

Today, however, I had made promises to two groups of people that I would hang out with them. Even though I felt like poo from the night before and I could have probably fallen asleep at nine, I realized that me not showing up to their events would be hypocritical. I'm glad I realized that because I ended up making it to both events and having a great time! I'm very happy I went out.

Credibility is huge for me. And if anything, I should hold myself up to that standard before I expect anyone else to.


Tonight I'm grateful for:

• My handful of really great Detroit friends. You know who you are.
• My friends from Paw Paw who have made an attempt to come visit me in Detroit. I understand that it's hard to come from so far away, but I really appreciate the effort!
• Music.
• Honesty.