Resurrected

I'm back. I've been meaning to update my blog, but never feel like I have anything interesting to say. So I guess I'll just update you a little on what's going on.

This summer has been alright. I was laid off from my temporary position at the end of June and have been unemployed ever since. The little bit of extra money and the enormous amount of time off left me with a lot of free time to do fun things like:

• Attend three weddings. One in Maryland, on in Paw Paw, and of course, Erin and Jason's in Kalamazoo.
• Visit home and my home friends.
• Spend the only two nice weeks of summer on Lake Saint Clair.
  
• Go to Lollapalozza, which is next weekend.
  
• Watch a ridiculous amount of tv shows on DVD.
• Organize and de-clutter my life.
• Enjoy cheap events that happen only on weekdays (i.e. tiger's games, boomba, free bowling, golf)
• Hang out with my friends here who I may only have a little more time to see on a regular basis.
  

However, more of my free time was spent stressing out about the future and being depressed with the current economy. So much so that I've completely moved on from freaking about affording my student loans, and now I am freaking out about how I'm going to afford to live.

I feel incredibly conflicted. Part of my feels depressed because I have no real direction and I feel stagnant in my current situation. A couple days ago I relieved myself from this feeling by saying that if I have no job prospect by the end of August, then I'm packing my car full of stuff and driving out to Colorado to live with Jess while I try to find a job (doing anything!) out there. Luckily, Jess is one of the nicest people in the world and actually seemed excited about this idea.

However, at the same time, thinking about leaving Detroit, and Michigan all together, is scary and makes me sad. Michigan is my home. It is one of my great loves. The thought of leaving my friends and my family for an undetermined amount of time makes me feel sad and childish. They are the only things tying me here, and really the only reason I decided to stay in Detroit for the summer. I really care about these people. I'm comfortable here. Do I really want to leave my comfort zone when I'm this down about life?

But at the same time, it almost seems necessary to leave. Metro Detroit is depressing. Trying to find a job serving food out here has even failed me. I could move home with my mom to "save money", but really that would only be useful if I could find a job around there too. I love the Kalamazoo area and I wouldn't hate living there in the Fall.

See? Conflict.
I don't really know what I'm going to do for sure. All that is certain is that I'm moving out of Detroit before September 1st. After that? We'll see...

Sore butt

Now that I have a job, it's hard to find time to update! I spend all day on the computer, so when I come home, the last thing I want to do is stare at the computer again. It's nice having a job though.

If everything goes according to plan, I'll work for this company for most of the summer and save up enough money to move out west in the fall. Then of course I'll get an awesome job in my field and start making enough money to live and pay off my loans.

However, nothing goes according to plans, so I'm trying not to make that many. I do want to move away at the end of summer/beginning of fall. I would like to move to Colorado. I'm going to apply for as many jobs in my field as possible. I'm going to try and make the best of these crazy times.

HOWEVER, I've been toying with the idea of going back to school and becoming a college professor. And not in the field of Psychology. I've been doing research on scholarly fields that I could see myself wanting to study/teach for a super long time. But that wouldn't be for a couple years.

I graduated last weekend, and so did my sister! The whole weekend was full of accomplishments, great food, and one crazy night out in Royal Oak (even though I may have been the craziest). I was just so happy to go out with everyone from my program.

Lately I've been grateful for:

• Friends and Family.
  
• My graduate cohort, who, without them, I don't know how I would have made it through the past two years.
• Textbook prices on Amazon when you're studying for fun and can buy the outdated versions.
• Fun events with matching shirts or a silly game made out of chairs or a celebrating a national holiday that doesn't involve your country.

I'm participating in the Zoo-de-Mack this weekend. A 50 mile bike ride from Boyne Highlands to Mackinaw Island. There will be tons of people, good food, good music, and a sweet bar crawl on the island. It's a bicycle festival extraordinaire. Sean, Sean and Anthony from Maryland are going to be there! I haven't seen them in years!

However, I went for a 6 mile bike ride last night and wanted to die. My croch/butt/sitting muscles are soooo sore. 50 miles is going to be hard!!

Sorry 'bout that

Hi guys. Long time no post. Sorry about that.

Life has been busy! In the midst of finishing school, my internship and my assistantship, I was offered a temporary position at a company that does Background Checks on people, mostly for employment purposes. It was brought on by a going away party for my old boss Sally. Andrea and I were offered the job as long as we could start the following morning, which we took.

The project was only supposed to be a couple weeks, but last Friday my boss decided to keep me on another week to help wrap everything up. Now he's keeping me on an extra few weeks to help some more. Now there's a potential that this may turn into a real job. It's been a crazy couple of days, really.

I like the idea of having income. I like the idea of not having to job search for another year with no avail. I like the idea that this all came about because I went to a going away party.

However, I've been toying with the idea of going back to school. I like school. I like studying, learning, and being around the college atmosphere. Maybe I'll become a professor? What's another few years of school when I like it? Either way, I'm going to give myself a year or so to think about it. I want to take some time for learning without having to pay for tuition.

Speaking of school. I'm done. And I'm a little sad about it. Not so much about not having to go to UDM anymore, and not so much about not having to work for Kathleen, but sooo much about not being forced to see my classmates anymore. I know we'll see each other anyway, but it's much harder to keep in touch when you really have to try.

I'll try to update more for those who actually read this!

PostSecret

Found this new hip thang while stalking on Facebook. I thought it was stupid at first. Now I don't think it's all that bad. http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Busy Busy

I forgot what being busy felt like! It's a little exhausting and makes time go by way to fast. But it's nice at the same time.

For those that don't know, I got offered a temp job at a company that does background checks and drug testing for employment purposes. It's pretty much exactly what I was doing last summer at RECON. Never did I ever think my background investigation experience was going to land me a job, but it did. And it pays pretty well, so it's very nice.

I'm hoping it will maybe turn in to a summer job! We'll see!

So now, for the next two weeks, I have to:

• Finish my finals, including my ever so daunting comprehensive exam that proves I've learned something over the past two years.
• Finish my internship.
  
• Finish my assistantship.
• Finish my classes and final presentations.
• Work for this company for as many hours as I possibly can!

After April 21st though, I'm going to have nothing besides my new job. Life is going to be so easy!

Except I'm sure my assistantship duties will continue all the way up to graduation because that's exactly how Kathleen rolls.

24

My birthday weekend is over. I knew that once it was it meant that I was destined to spend the following two weeks locked in my room finishing up school work, finishing up my internship, finishing up my assistantship, and finishing up my life as a student.

Actually, since the economy has knocked me off my feet and ruined my moral, I'm almost tempted to go back for my doctorate. So maybe I will be a student again some day? It sounds better than not having a job.

My birthday weekend was GREAT! Actually I should probably call it my birthday week since I partied from Thursday all the way to Tuesday morning.

During my birthday week I:

• Received many birthday wishes that left me feeling super special and lucky.
• Was surprised with the best birthday ice cream cake ever from Laura.
  
• Had a movie night with Dan and Melissa, drinking wine and eating the ice cream cake.
• Went rollerblading with Tonka because the weather was so nice.
• Had my first grill out of the season, and made about 10lbs of mashed potatoes to go with it.
• Drank my first Oberon of the season. Grilling and Oberon? I like this season a lot.
  
• Got slapped in the face with reality. A couple of times. Naivety can only last so long.
  
• Played Apples to Apples, Battle of the Sexes and Cranium with some of my favorites.
• Went to this really cool bar in underground Royal Oak that Brian knew about, where apparently the men dancing around us were "together" and we didn't even notice it. Well, at least I didn't notice it.
  
• Got sucked into watching Little Big League on ABCFamily and left for Paw Paw a few hours late.
• Had a bonfire in Paw Paw with most of my favorite Paw Paw people! Thanks so much to all those who came back from Chicago to celebrate with me!
• Reconciled with Dave after over two years of us both being stupid and petty.
• Started putting words into practice by trying to get over myself in a lot of other situations that I may be being petty in. I'm lucky I have friendship and I shouldn't think that I'm entitled to people's attention. As a friend I should learn to be open minded and graciously accept things that I cannot, and probably should not, change.
  
• Got my groove back.
• Spent the night at my house with Katie who was a funny mess and I loved it.
• Had an awesome breakfast at Ryan's.
• Cleaned up the beer cans and toilet paper left on the field from the night before.
• Drove home and did nothing productive. Actually, I did nothing productive alllll weekend.
• Worked with Kim on Monday but left an hour early like usual.
• Took Katie's demo to Brian so he could listen to the songs we would like him to try out on drums.
• Hopped on board a fun bus and went to Harsens Island with Melissa, Raimie and Andy to watch the Final Four and hang out with their friends.
• Picked up someone from jail in New Baltimore.
• Was sad MSU lost because now I have to drive to North Carolina and buy my friend Brandon a pint. And because I hate losing bets.
  
• Got pretty hammered and stayed up too late; only slept 3 hours but it was well worth it in fun-ness.
• Spent the night at a house over looking the Saint Clair River channel watching ginormous freighters drive by.
• Was in a strange no sleep world for most of Tuesday, hardly able to survive class.

And now it's Wednesday and I'm writing this blog and listening to Bon Iver instead of doing my work. I'm such a mess.

So far 24 has been a really fun age. I hope it continues this way!

LiveJournal

I always wanted to write a book about London. Part of me would want to write it exactly like it happened because it would be fun to look back on in the future. The other part of me would like to change a few things to make it more interesting and fun to read. Either way, I think it would make a good story.

During my study abroad in London I was always updating my LiveJournal with the current events. So if I did decide to write a story, London would be fairly easy to recollect with all the updates and all the pictures I took while I was there. Tonight I thought it would be fun to read about it all over again.

So I started reading the life of Merry, August 2005. I didn't even make it to the London entries because I kept repeating something in my journal that I couldn't remember where it came from. Being the average, jaded, vain and naive 20-year-old that I was, I was very cryptic in my LiveJournal entries. Just like every other LJer was doing at that time, I wanted to tell everyone what was going on in my life, but not tell them anything at all.

This is disappointing, because now, 4 years later, I'm reading these stories and going, "Who am I referring to?" "Who did I have a crush on then" "What happened that night?" and "Who are all these people I swore I would 'never forget'?"

This has happened to me before. A couple years ago, Ramsey and I looked over our notebooks we used to have in middle school that we used for passing notes. There was one entry from after New Years Fest that talked about how much fun we had meeting so and so (cute boys) and how we would never forget so and so's names for the rest of our lives. (right)

We always thought we were above middle school, not as naive and silly as all the others... which we were. We always thought we were so above high school too, so grown up and so smart... which we weren't. Life is funny like that.

Anyway, in my posts from August 2005 I kept talking about some revelation I had in the Spring, only to find out that I never posted my revelation when it occurred.


Things I learned about Merry, pre-London:

• It took me 9 months to move on from Brian Reidenbach, maybe more. When I look back at that break-up now, I think of it like it hardly affected me. I guess I'm just good at voiding pain from my memories.
• Merry 2005 knew how to be single. Merry 2009 does not.
  
• That was one of the last summers my Paw Paw group was together. Most people came home from college for the summer and many fun Paw Paw nights were had.
• I had a really good college experience. Hope (and Holland) was a great place to live and learn for three years.

No body does it like you

For my 24th birthday I asked for a new vacuum. I don't know whether to be embarrassed about this or proud. Am I being practical, or am I getting old? After I ripped it open and tested it out, I decided on proud because it handled Tonka's hair like a champ.

I'm in love with a Hoover.

Time Thief

I'm in the process of developing trainings for one of CARE's clients on the power of self-management. In the book I'm working from I found this neat section on attitude, so I thought I would share it with you. Yes, the training is written towards work settings, but I think we can all agree that it applies to life as well.

It's long. Sorry.


Our attitude is a very important choice as it relates to career success and satisfaction. The truth is that anyone, no matter how good the working conditions, can find a reason to have a negative attitude. And anyone, no matter how bad the circumstances, can find a way to maintain a positive attitude. Our attitude is of our own making and largely depends on these influences:

What we focus on: Our attitude will likely suffer if we concentrate on everything that is frustrating or unfair and if we take for granted the positive aspects of the working conditions. When we dwell on the negative, we feed it with energy. What we pay attention to only grows stronger.

The key to happiness is gratitude. All happy people are grateful. Ungrateful people cannot be happy. And nothing undermines gratitude more than unwarranted or unmet expectations. The Buddhist teachings are relevant here. If we expect that something desirable will or should definitely happen, then we feel entitled to this thing. This leads to dissatisfaction, because it undermines the most important source of happiness, which is gratitude.

It is assumed that being unhappy lead us to complain. Actually the opposite is true: Complaining helps us become unhappy. Therefore, to improve our overall satisfaction, we should take an inventory of both our personal and work life and express gratitude for all that is good in it. Focus on the positive and our attitude will improve.

What we think when things go bad: Many of the dissatisfiers at work are irritating, but they are not catastrophes. A catastrophe is the AIDS epidemic in Africa or a hurricane that wipes out a city. What most of us experience when things go wrong at work is frustrating, inconvenient and disappointing, but it is not disastrous. We must place things in proper perspective. Don’t become a drama queen or king. Don’t make mountains out of molehills or worry about things that have not yet happened (and may not ever happen). This only prevents us from living in the moment, recognizing and taking full advantage of what is positive in the work environment.

Whom we associate with: If we spend all of our time with someone who is negative and angry, it is very possible that the person’s unhappiness will begin to affect our own attitude. Misery like company, and negativity is very contagious. The disgruntled co-worker expects that we join him in his griping and dumping. And if we are too satisfied with our job, there is something wrong with us: We are naïve. We are in denial. We are apple polishers if we get along too well with management. All of us are judged by the company we keep. Our associations are a reflection of our values. Choose wisely.

Our expectations: One definition of conflict is “expectation not met.” Therefore, when we are experiencing job-related frustrations, we must examine our expectations. Are they reasonable?


-Michael Henry Cohen. (2008). The Power of Self Management. pp54-56.

Grilled Cheese

The greatest news ever: My sister was accepted into Neurology Residency program at the Mayo Clinic! It was her number one choice and I'm so happy she got into it!! She has a one year internship at Oakwood Hospital in Dearborn to practice general medicine, and then she's off to Minnesota to practice at one of the best hospitals in the nation. It's so great.



Anyway,
As with most people who suffer through Michigan winter, Spring always brings on a renewed energy that you feel like you have lost. For the last week I've been running and lifting in my spare time. I love this. I used to be huge on working out and getting my heartbeat going, but I think I lost it a little once I went to college. But for this last week, running has been one of the things I actually look forward to doing when I wake up! I hope it stay this way.

However, this is still weird because I have never liked the exercise of running. I even avoided playing sports like soccer and basketball in high school because it was too "running involved." My exercise would usually include playing hockey or doing the stair stepper, along with lifting weights. Running always seemed like a chore. But I've been eating a lot of cucumbers lately too, and I have never liked those. Maybe I'm just growing up.

I've gotten a lot done on my Spring Cleaning list. My sewing pile is just daunting though and I know I'll continue to put it off.

Spring Fever!

What is it about Spring that makes you want to clean out your life?

Every year I get the same urge to de-materialize my life. I look around my room and think, "man do I have a lot of stuff." Which is funny, because in reality, I don't have that much stuff. I can fit the most of my belongings (minus my winter gear and my motorcycle) in this tiny 12x12 room. My dog and his kennel even fit in my room! Also, this urge I get every spring tied to the fact that I've moved like 10 times in the last 6 years hasn't left me with a whole lot of really useless things anyway, even If I feel like it has.

Either way, it's time to simplify.

Goals for Spring Cleaning:

• Take most of my UDM textbooks back to the bookstore. There will only be like 5 that I will want to keep.
• Take the other books that you don't like/never will read again because they were lame and donate them to the Library.
• Recycle all school notebooks and papers immediately after passing my comprehesive final.
• Go through old clothes and see which ones I can turn into new summer clothes. Old jeans into new capri shorts, old T-shirts into new fun tank tops.
• Turn old clothes into new summer clothes.
  
• Turn the pile of old hoodies from high school and Hope into a cool blanket. I should have done this during the winter because I could have always used another blanket, but I didn't.
• Take remaining ugly old clothes, shoes and useless trinkets to the Salvation Army.
• Put winter stuff in storage (snowboard, hockey gear, really warm sweaters) and bring up summer gear (...bathing suit?)
• Give/mail things back to their original owners.
  

An a different note, I'm pretty sure my dog let himself out this morning. Now I know mornings aren't usually when my memory is working at it's peak. But after I fed Tonka, I walked out the back door to see what the weather was like and then I came in to my room to check my e-mail. When I got back up to let him outside, I was surprised to find him already out there.

Amazing.

Have to catch up on my DVR

It's been awhile since my last post. After my epiphany 10 days ago, life seems a lot easier.

In the last 10 days I've:

• Made some new friends.
• Constantly made reference to the "everything's amazing but nobody's happy" skit I stole from Ramsey's facebook. "You're in a seat... in the sky!"
  
• Celebrated Melissa's birthday.
• Practically forced my friends to leave a karaoke bar because my eyes balls were getting burned out of their sockets from too much smoke.
• Caught up with some old friends.
• Thought about stealing a boat with Ryan.
  
• Solidified the belief that the field I've chosen to go in to is something I would really enjoy, even if it may take a few years or so to get to the place I want to be.
• Fell in love with up north Michigan all over again.
• Hung out with my aunt Merry and uncle Gary.
• Had my final snowboard of the season in 40 degree weather wearing leggings and my winter coat's liner.
• Rocked out hard core in a vehicle three times with three different groups of people.
• Felt totally embarrassed that I wanted to run away and hide.
  
• Went to the casino.
• Laughed so hard I wanted to cry, multiple times.
• Played with Katie's recording equipment.
• Had hours of good conversation with Kim at our (sometimes pointless) internship.
• Finished Kafka's The Trial, which turned out much better than I thought it was going to.
  
• Had an interview at a flower shop.
• Got my motorcycle insured and received a quote for new tires.
  
• Went out for St. Patrick's day on a Tuesday when I originally had decided to stay home.
• Drank green beer for the first time.
• Was in one of my best moods of the year with the help of 70 degree weather, flip-flops, beer on the patio of Shores Inn, great people, and the best steak dinner ever.

Lately I've been adding classic literature to my reading list. Hence the Kafka reference above. Through most of the books I've read of his, I would always think, "I bet Kafka is laughing at everyone who reads his work and thinks he's so profound, because I'm pretty sure he thought it was just one big ironic joke; he's saying, 'Ha I fooled those suckers!'" And maybe he's laughing at me now, because I ended up really enjoying it in the end.


On another note, I feel like I've been really coming in to single-hood. I think it takes awhile to adjust to it sometimes. Before my last break up, I hadn't been single for more than a month in about 2 1/2 years, and I think I'm just starting to truly accept that it has potential for a whole lot of fun!

I feel like I'm right at the beginning of a huge transition. I have been a student my whole life and now I'm about to step into the real world, without the help of student loans and my parents (for the most part). Add that to the economy taking a turn for the worst and I'm realizing that it's going to be a struggle at times to make ends meet, I know it.

I tie this directly to my happy decision to be single. I have no idea what is coming around the bend for me, and to be tied up in a relationship seems like it would be even harder. Now don't get me wrong, I have no opposition to hanging out with people and possibly dating, but a full on relationship sounds like the worst idea in the world.

Even though, in the back of my head, I know if something really great came around, I wouldn't hold myself back from it. I would probably fall in head first like I always do. But as that's currently not the case, I am very happy with the way things are now.



And to finish 'er off...

Lately I have been grateful for:

• People who are able to honestly laugh at their faults... or their less than perfect actions. I'm starting to really understand the importance of that in my own life.
  
• People who help others just because they like to.
• My mom, who always seems to persevere through anything life throws at her. I really look up to her.
  
• My aunt and uncle, who opened up their home for my friends and I, told us great stories, and above all, always makes me feel loved.
  

Rainy Day

I'd always admired those who "make lemonade." You know, those people who just deal with what life throws them. But look at me! I get all sad and depressed and immobile when I start to worry that I won't be able to support myself in the future.

No more! Things will work themselves out even if there are even more hard times until they do. It's not like I'm not working hard. It's not like I'm being lazy. Things are going to be O.K.

It's funny that I get this revelation on the ugliest day of the week.

Tonka Dog

Sometimes I think my dog is socially inept.

Tonka's great. He's a sweetheart. But when I take him to the dog park I just watch him and think, "I never properly socialized this dog!"

Today was a little better. I took him on a long walk before I took him to the park so when he ran up to stranger's pants and "lifted his leg" there was nothing left to pee out. I took my book with me today and just sat on a park bench to the side. I wasn't really looking at this moment, but I heard a bunch of people laugh and say, "he just lifted his leg on me!" Needless to say, I just kept staring down at my book.

Just watching him at the park is hilarious/embarressing. He pees on everything, runs quickly through crowds, and ignores anyone who actually wants to give him attention. A lot of the time he whines while he runs, which makes me feel like I'm an abusive or neglectant parent.

A lot of the owners bring toys for their dogs to play with. When the tennis ball comes out, there's always a group of dogs ready to chase after it, you know, like normal dogs do. But not Tonka. When the ball gets tossed he just chases the dog who's running after it. He has no interest in the toy at all.

But he's a good dog. It's not like he attacks other dogs or jumps on anyone when he's all muddy. He listens when I call him and is great to look at because he's so cute.

There's one of those fancy plastic playgrounds for kids at the park as well. When I caught Tonka climbing up the stairs, run over the wobbly bridge, and make it up to the top of the slides, my heart just melt.

He's my buddy.

Red Wiiiiings

I wasn't aware that you can make a news feed for a specific group of friends on facebook. After I made a list of the people that I usually stalk, I realized that there are only 37 people on facebook that I really care to know what's going on with their daily lives. You should feel special if you made my list and update your facebook often.


When we were in high school, Ramsey and I gave Danno the nickname bottle, because he was a bottler. He used to bottle up his feelings and not let them out to anyone. Someone told me I was a bottler today, and I wouldn't have believed him if it weren't for the fact that I broke down and cried a few times from everything that has been building up. Crying felt good. Life sucks sometimes. I think I might cry more.


I don't know what's going to come of my life. I don't know what I'm going to be doing in a couple months to support myself. I don't know how to make all these negative feelings about my Master's degree stop from haunting my every thought. I. just. don't. know.


Today I'm grateful for my little trifecta I've created around myself since my breakup with Dan. I'm grateful for:

• Melissa who, for which I'm very lucky, has always been there for me when I'm going through a rough time. She listens to me rant and she understands when I'm being crazy. More importantly, she's always been a great friend to hang out with just when I need to be around someone who cares.
  
• Andrea who always tells me how it is but always reminds me to stay positive and focused. She also listens to me rant and always offers the best advice. She's someone I'm always comfortable talking about anything with and she's always a great friend to be around.
• Brian who calls me out, all the time. He knows me better than most and has this amazing ability to call me out when I'm being weird, awkward, sad, mad, excited, and so on. However, I'm always grateful for people who call me out. And add that to his incredibly fun nature and down for anything mentality, he's been a really great friend during this really hard time.
  

Sorry Brian, you're probably taking this picture.

Thanks guys. I hope you know how much your friendship means to me.

The day after Game Night

Life doesn't change that quickly. For me to repeat over and over again that I'm grateful for my friends and my dog seems pretty boring... even if it's true. I still don't have any idea what I'm going to do with myself in 2 months... I don't even know where I'll be living come May! I have all this uncertainty that's been getting me down, but with the help of my friends, life doesn't seem so bad after all.

Detroit's been extra fun lately. Or extra comfortable? I look forward to staying here over the weekends when I used to look forward to getting away.

Fun events of recent past:

• GAME NIGHT! The first few hours of the night were spent on a 12 person Apples to Apples game. Then it moved into Twister with two mats and eight people. And then finished off with some dancing and Wii.
• Joanna came in to town for one of her clients and I got to meet up with her for a bit.
• Twilight played at the Brew & View a couple weeks ago and the place was more packed than I've ever experienced. We ended up sitting at a table with two couples who proceeded to make out for the entire movie. Who would want to make out when Edward Cullen is on the screen?
• After that movie we walked down to the WAB and met up with some friends for after drinks.
• I went to the west-side of Michigan for a weekend for a photoshoot, a tiny bit of recording, a 60th birthday party, and a wedding in Holland. I spent, what felt like a long time, walking around Kalamazoo and Holland in a blizzard.
• I've been doing an excessive amount of reading... or should I say obsessive?

I've started deleting friends off Facebook. Maybe friends is the wrong word. I've starting deleting people off my friends list on facebook who I, A) had to look at their page to even remember who they were, or B) haven't talked to in years and don't ever expect to see again. I only ended up deleting around 50 people, but for some reason it made my facebook page seem more personal for me.

Back Forty

I got really upset on Thursday night, even if was only for about 20 minutes. It was weird. I went to my first Red Wings game and two of my favorite people were in town that night, so I was ecstatic for most of the night. We had a great time at the game and proceeded to have an even better time at the bar downtown afterward. However, besides the people who went to the game with me, every single person who told me they wanted to meet me downtown later bailed. Which, I guess, is normal; I'm always setting up outings and at least half of the people who say they want to come end up not being able to.

But this was different, because I really wanted my home friends to meet my Detroit friends. I'm sure my friends in Detroit know how important my home friends are to me, well at least they should! So anyway, I got upset and proceeded to guilt trip them. Lame, I know. I felt bad for this the next day and I talked to most of my friends and apologized.

Today, however, I had made promises to two groups of people that I would hang out with them. Even though I felt like poo from the night before and I could have probably fallen asleep at nine, I realized that me not showing up to their events would be hypocritical. I'm glad I realized that because I ended up making it to both events and having a great time! I'm very happy I went out.

Credibility is huge for me. And if anything, I should hold myself up to that standard before I expect anyone else to.


Tonight I'm grateful for:

• My handful of really great Detroit friends. You know who you are.
• My friends from Paw Paw who have made an attempt to come visit me in Detroit. I understand that it's hard to come from so far away, but I really appreciate the effort!
• Music.
• Honesty.

frustrating

I can only assume that people who demand absolute perfection in others can only be more let down by their own imperfections. At least I hope because no one should always feel like they have to live up to other people's unattainable standards of perfection.


I find it ironic that I'm about to finish my Master's degree. I have a list of goals for my life that run through my head daily; what I want to do and who I want to become, 95% of which have nothing to do with my career goals. Part of me is saying that this Master's degree means that I need to buckle down and focus on finding the perfect job, while the other part of me is saying that the perfect job for me right now has nothing to do with being serious and grown-up.


Right now I'm grateful that:

• I have great friends and family that will put up with/support me during this difficult time.
• I know myself well enough to know that I won't enjoy certain jobs/locations even if they pay me more than others.
• Someone will hire me this summer to do SOMETHING, even if it has nothing to do with my degree.
• I know a lot of smart and hard-working people who are having troubles finding jobs after college as well.

Yo Yo YO

Tonight, I'm grateful for:

• Travel time from here to there. Most of my grateful thinking is done during boring travel time from fun time to sleep time.
• People who say what is really on their mind. I am well aware that sometimes people think things that they would NEVER say out loud. However, there are some people I am completely comfortable with sharing this horrible information. I am grateful when people are willing to share that information with me.
  
• CDS. Which, unlike I-Pod, won't remind you how many times you listened to Tegan and Sara over and over and over and over and over again.
  
• Tonka. Who is always glad to see me. No matter what.
• Caller ID. Which will tell you not to pick up the phone from the crazy guy at the bar who wants to take you out to dinner but you're too chicken to say, "Yeah, no."

Sometimes I'm guarded. Most of the time I think I'm a fairly open person, but sometimes I do things just because I do. I'm most thankful for the people who understand that I do these things, because that's just who I am, and that's just what I do. I was surprised by someone tonight who understood my actions, without me telling them. And they said, "hey Merry, I know what you're doing, and you can stop acting that way, because I understand."

That was a great feeling.

Old Saying?

I'm grateful that:

• I've learned to accept certain situations I can't change. A few years ago, friends who constantly stood me up and constantly made me upset still remained my best friends. I was ditched for significant others. I was put down and pulled around. I confided in people who didn't see the significance.. or had ulterior motives. It's sad, but I've learned to let those people go. They won't change and our situation won't change, and I'm proud of myself for being okay with moving on.
• I'm less afraid of conflict. Some how I've become more comfortable with conflict and confrontations. I'm more apt to being blunt and telling it how it is. I like the openness, and appreciate it when others are the same with me.

Maybe it's all a part of growing up?

Waiting for the toaster oven to "ding"

Today I am grateful for:

• My hobbies. A wise person once told me that to successfully survive a Michigan winter, you should have enough things to keep you busy so you don't go mad. I've snowboarded a lot this winter, and last weekend I had a hockey tournament during the 36th blizzard this season.
• My winter gear. Along with hobbies, I decided a few years ago that I could only survive winter if I was properly equipped. I now own four pairs of "weather" boots, at least 4 winter coats, and multiple pairs of hats, gloves, neck warmers, long underwear, and knee-high scocks. However, I only own like one pair of flip-flops, one pair of shorts, and one bathing suit.
  
• My Internship. After re-vamping my resume last night, I think my experience over the past year (including the experience I plan on gaining in the next couple months) may actually make me look good on paper.
  
• My "go-to texters." I'm sure some of you have these. These are the handful of people I will text when I need a smile. I always know that their response will either be really nice or really funny. You might know who you are. If you don't, you should probably strive to be on that list.
  
• Those lucky few, who, for some strange, unknown reason, I am completely comfortable with, and never feel the need to hold anything back from.
• A great book. I've been on a reading binge. I think it's because I'm trying to hide from the bitter cold outside. Actually, I'm sure of this because when I do read, it's usually accompanied by a massive amount of blankets.
  

One piece of gratitude

I'm grateful for:

• The people who see me calling on their Caller ID and say, "Hell yeah I want to pick that up."
  

I'm back!

Hello everybody.

Yesterday marked the last day of my month long adventure. Now I'm back in Detroit going all out to catch up with the life I left behind. All this hustle and bustle is good for me though. If there's one thing I've learned, it's really good for me to keep busy while living in the D.

My travels were fantastic. Being away in the Rocky Mountains for a week left me feeling fresh, revitalized, and ready to handle anything. I think mountain living was made for me.

Has anyone read "Travels with Charley" by John Steinbeck? After I accidentally left my book in Denver, I picked up this one at the airport and didn't put it down until Chicago. I think it might be my new favorite. I would recommend it to anyone interested in the subjects of travel and human nature.

Last night marked the start of my last semester at UDM (whoo!). My new class seems challenging, but interesting. Today I started my internship, which looks promising. Tonight I had a sit down with my prof about the feelings I, along with the rest of my cohort, have about the program. Right now I'm sitting in bed thinking that 9:30 sounds like a great time to fall asleep.

My friends are the best. The last week and a half provided me with many reasons to love and appreciate my friends even more:

• Jess and Katie time. These girls are amazing and I love us.
• Brian's SLC phone message telling me that he had found LBC at a bar in Park City. LBC is a band (stands for Long Beach County), which includes Eric Wilson on bass playing all the very best Sublime covers. The voicemail I recieved left me feeling 10% happy for him, 80% raging jealous, and 10% special that he thought to call me and share 15 seconds of heavenly music.
• Ramsey still coming to pick me up even though we had bad weather and an airport mix up.
• Dan and Dominic saving me from a flat tire in Chicago. Any bad night can turn good when it includes good friends, NHL Hitz, mashed potatoes, a warm bed, venison sausage, cinnamon rolls (thanks Leah!), and waiting around for AAA for over 12 hours.
• Alicia standing up for me everytime Katie thought I was going to let her down. This was both funny and endearing.
• Winning a free meal at Big T because Ryan likes to take bets with me that he will inevitably lose.

It looks as though I will without vacations for awhile. Which is good. My month away made me miss my Detroit friends a lot and I can't wait to catch up with them all.

Happy Birthday K Tap

All I can ask for is forgiveness over the lateness of this blog. Katie's birthday was 3 days ago! However, New Years day was spent sleeping until four and then hanging out at Katie's birthday celebration until Midnight. As for the other two days, I have no excuse.

Happy belated 24th Birthday Katie!

It seems silly to introduce Katie like I have with every one else. If you read my blog and you don't know that Katie Tapper is my oldest friend, then you probably don't know me very well.


A few reasons why I'm grateful for you Katie:

• You call me out and keep me real. There are only a handful of people who will put me in my place when I need it. I can always count on you to say, "Merry, are you kidding me? Make it better!" when I do something wrong. I appreciate that more than you'll ever know.
  
• You're full of life. I know a lot of the time you don't feel this way, but you're wrong. Your presence lights up a room, and creates energy for people that they didn't have before, especially me.
  
• You're one of the strongest people I know. Again, I know a lot of time you don't feel like this because you see others skating through life while you're not. However, if those people had to deal with the challenges you deal with every day, they wouldn't hold up quite as well. It's inspiring to think about during my own challenges.
  
• You make it comfortable for people to be who they are. I know all your closest friends will agree with me. Sometimes it's hard to be real, but you never give anyone any reason to feel uncomfortable in their own skin. You never judge your friends, and you're always there to listen.
• You have a huge heart. You make the relationships in your life numero uno. You put your whole heart into you family and friends. Some people don't get how important that is, but you seemed to figure it out quite early.

I could go on and on about why I'm grateful for Katie, and why I love you so much, but I wanted to take a different twist on your birthday blog.


Some of my favorite memories of you Katie, age 23 (I will not get into specifics because it would turn into a novel):

• Automatic Love Letter @ the Magic Stick in Detroit.
• The one and only Katie Tapper show in Hastings.
• Countless movie nights where we would battle over the genre and would end up watching some suspense thriller.
  
• South Haven week, August. Especially sitting out by the fire until 3am.
• Tegan and Sara Chicago weekend!! Best. concert. ever.
• Starting to play music together again... still haven't figured out a name (maybe in 2009?)
  
• Halloween weekend adventures, including Windsor, casino, and Uh Huh Her.
• Skiing at Holly and Timber Ridge, being there while you snowboarded.
  
• This entire winter break which included a lot of music, movies, talks, 90210, and sleepovers.
  

A few reasons why your 23rd year will make your 24th year better than the rest:

• You've grown up. You realized early on during 23 that it was time to stop treating your body like a freshman in college.
• You've stood up for yourself. You decided that you weren't going to let others walk all over your heart.
• You've accepted yourself a little more. It's tough to feel different, but I can tell you're starting to embrace it.
• You've made positive decisions about your lifestyle. Not many people can recognize what they don't like about their life and make strong efforts to change it.
• You're embracing what truly matters to you. You're family. You're friends. You're future. You're health.
• You've planned a cool future with a really cool chick (me). Hopefully our plans for this year work out and we have an awesome time.